SO GOOD QUOTES

You ought to express your feelings without speaking about your analysis of the other person’s personality, because by doing so you judge them. No one can examine another person; God alone is He who examines the mind and heart. Someone might say to you, “I feel that you do not trust me.” This is neither a sensation nor a feeling. A sensation means that I am happy or I am distressed, etc. But “I feel that you do not trust me” is an analysis of the other person. If these words were untrue, the other person may feel distressed, and the disagreement may escalate between them. The proper expression is to say to him, “I feel hurt from what you have done.” Here you are speaking about a behavior which could be measured and could be judged, but you cannot judge what lies behind this behavior.

When Christ was struck by the chief priest’s servant, He said to him, “Why do you strike Me?” He did not analyze his personality, though the servant was related to Malchus whose ear Peter cut off. Christ could have said to him, “Are you striking me to take vengeance for your relative whose ear Peter cut off?” or, “Do you strike me to please the chief priest?” If Christ had directed these questions to him, He would have been judging him and analyzing his personality, though He has the right to do this, because He is the Judge of the whole earth, and He is the One who “searches the minds and hearts.” But Christ said to him, “If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil; but if well, why do you strike Me?”

—H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Deal with Anger