SO GOOD QUOTES

“The problem with my head is that it’s not content with peace of mind. I can be having a wonderful day, and then out of the blue something in me begins the pre-use ritual. I’ll start checking to see if I want to use. If I don’t want to use, my mind often won’t be content that way.  It will try to scratch the itch to make it itch so that I can then scratch it.  My heart begins to pound and my stomach tightens and shudders. This fragmented craving will be moving in several directions at once. There’s the memory of the thrilling rush.  There’s my present awareness that, since I’ve stopped using, the so-called rush never was so thrilling but more of a muzzle over my pain and anxiety. And there’s the seductive voice of the future that says, ‘Yes, but this time it will work. It’ll be wonderful. You can control it. No one will know.’ All these are colliding in my head.”

James’ struggle with this demon doesn’t differ much from Evagrius’ description of the demon stirring “thoughts of various affairs by means of the memory. He [the demon] stirs up all the passions…. In this way he hopes to offer some obstacle to that excellent course pursued in prayer on the journey toward God.”

Into the Silent Land: A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation
Martin Laird