Paul: Do you really think that getting married is going to make it all better?

Do you have any idea of how many married people – how many parents – feel as empty as you do?

Let me ask you, when was the last time you felt real happiness?

Mia: A couple weeks ago when I thought that I was pregnant.

Paul: And what about that made you feel good? 

Mia: That it wasn’t just me, that my life had meaning. That there would be this – this other person, always.

Paul: Have you ever considered that maybe it’s not about a child, Mia, or a husband?

Maybe that’s just a picture in your head from – from your family, from your friends, from—from the culture?

Not everyone needs that to live a full and contented life.

Maybe what you really want, Mia, is to feel connected – authentically connected – to somebody or something else.

In Treatment
S2, EP 31: Mia – Week Seven

If the Christian married couple lived a spiritual life, the clause of divorce could be abolished completely from the personal statute. There would be no need for it, as the great love that joins the married couple together would never allow divorce. On the contrary, instead of separation, the relationship between them will deepen day after day…

—Pope Shenouda III, Words of Spiritual Benefit Vol. 1

And to an age which despised chastity, and a public which had lost the sense of respect, he declared the grandeur of the Christian marriage, and the noble duties incumbent on both husband and wife. He frankly spoke of chastity and the sanctity of marriage without risking as much as a passing smile of disdain—for so effective were his teachings that he lifted his listeners to the heights he proclaimed, and taught with indefatigable patience and a radiant smile.

THE STORY OF THE COPTS
THE TRUE STORY OF THE CHRISTIANS OF EGYPT WHO HAVE LIVED THE BIBLE FOR 2,000 YEARS

BY IRIS HABIB EL MASRI

Think about the troubles and anxieties of this life when it comes to a wife and children. [Instead of focusing solely on serving God], do you prefer all of these other distractions instead?Would you have me speak of the domestic cares of wife, and children and servant? It is an evil thing to wed a very poor wife, or a very rich one, for the former is injurious to the husband’s means, the latter to his authority and independence. It is a grievous thing to have children, still more grievous not to have any; for in the latter case marriage has been to no purpose, in the former a bitter bondage has to be undergone.

ST. JOHN CHRYSOSTOM, ON REPENTANCE & DEFEATING DESPAIR
Letters to Theodore

People who are not fully enlightened use romantic relationships to hide from the truth. They want to bypass the painful healing process and disappear into false pleasure and false security…They want someone to finally love them fully, understand them, take them under their wing, protect them, guide them, and be selfless with them. But this is impossible.

Relationships: What Lies Underneath Them

Do those couples really love each other so much, or are they more just attracted to a fantasy of whom their partners are?  From what I’ve observed, when you scratch below the surface of such couples you find that they really DON’T know each other that well, and are just interacting – and being “in love” – with a fraction of their personalities.  And they want it that way!  If they knew each other too well it would shatter their illusion.  No surprise that as the increase in expectation of marriage partners being “best friends” – that is, more emotionally intimate – has gone hand-in-hand with the skyrocketing of the divorce rate.

…

1. Being in love is projecting that someone will rescue you; loving someone is nurturing and caring for the best in them
   
2. 

Being in love comes from the false self, that still damaged side of us, and wants a false image of another to rescue us; loving someone comes from the true self, and nurtures the true self of another

Being in Love is a Disturbed Ideal

But though we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple. What we really seek is familiarity — which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. We are looking to recreate, within our adult relationships, the feelings we knew so well in childhood. The love most of us will have tasted early on was often confused with other, more destructive dynamics: feelings of wanting to help an adult who was out of control, of being deprived of a parent’s warmth or scared of his anger, of not feeling secure enough to communicate our wishes. How logical, then, that we should as grown-ups find ourselves rejecting certain candidates for marriage not because they are wrong but because they are too right — too balanced, mature, understanding and reliable — given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign. We marry the wrong people because we don’t associate being loved with feeling happy.

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person