We’re still living in a culture that misunderstands the why of singleness.  If you’re over thirty and you’re still single, the gay community will push you to admit who you really are.  Feminists will commend you for standing up for who you are.  Traditionalists will wonder where your parents went wrong.  Society will tell you that you can still do something about it and change it.  And the church simply doesn’t know what to do with you.

In a culture where everything promotes marriage and family, the idea that anyone would be single by choice or giftedness seems preposterous.  If you’re single, there must be a reason.  There must be something wrong with you.  There must be a good explanation. Every other explanation for your singleness is too outrageous to validate.

Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended
Lina AbuJamra

“So people get married, thinking that another human being will obliterate their loneliness.  It helps a little at first.  But one day,  out of the random blue, that loneliness that was meant to be kept at bay lifts its ugly head and plops itself in the middle of your home, reminding you of the fact that even your husband cannot totally satisfy you and that your wife does not really understand you like you need her to.”

Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended
Lina AbuJamra

Being single is GOOD

So when Paul describes the single life in 1 Corinthians 7:8, it’s fitting that he uses the word good.  Here’s what he says: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”  

The single life is a good life.  No more wondering if God has given you second best.  No more asking why everyone has been more blessed by God while you keep on waiting.  No more misinterpreting God’s Word and His ways.

You have been given a good life.

For now, settle it in your mind that God is big enough and wise enough to give you the best life possible–the life that thrives.

So stop wasting it.  Stop wishing it away.  Stop complaining about it and praying that it would change soon, and start believing the truth of God’s word.

You have been given a good life, and it’s yours by design.  Do you believe it?

God created you for the sole purpose of knowing Him and making Him known.  Your singleness is God’s perfect place for you to thrive.  You don’t have to wait for your knight in shining armor to start living.  You can know the Lord fully and serve Him wholly right here, right now.

Being single is a GIFT

The truth is that, most of the time, you and I have very little concept as to what we truly need in our lives.

Singleness, a gift?  The very idea is appalling.  Who would ever give anyone such a–how can I say it politely–useless gift?  Weren’t we made for marriage and sex and kids and car seats?

Singleness is the gift that you never wanted, never planned on, and wish you’d never opened.  Surely there’s been a mistake.  Surely this is not your gift to keep forever and happily ever after?

But a careful look at God’s word reveals that your gift is no mistake.  We’ve been talking about 1 Corinthians 7, and if you’ll read verse 7 you’ll see that it was Paul who brought up the concept of singleness as a gift.  Here is what he says in 

: “I wish that all were as I myself I am.  But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”

Wait–say that again?  Singleness–a gift?  Why in the world would anyone consider singleness a gift?  It sounds more like a curse to most people.  And if it is a gift, who is “lucky” enough to have it?  Or if I may make it even more personal: Do you have the gift of singleness?

God has decided that, for better or for worse, the best gift for you right now is the gift of singleness.

Could it be that God has given you this gift of singleness to deepen your walk with Him?  Could it be that God wants to use your unfulfilled longings to draw you closer to Himself?  In other words, could there be a purpose to this gift that God has given you?

Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended
Lina AbuJamra

“And if you let those expectations go unspoken and unaddressed, it leads to resentment. Resentment leads to distance, and distance leads to broken marriages.”

—Jonathon M. Seidl, Seven things I’ve learned from seven years of marriage

I generally find it easier to explain something by what it isn’t. My wife and I have counseled a few couples before they got married, and while many of them want to talk about what marriage is, I usually start by talking about what it isn’t. And you know what one of the biggest things it isn’t? It isn’t about your happiness.

Let me say that again: Marriage isn’t about your happiness.

Now let me talk about what marriage is. It’s a lot of work. It’s about commitment. It’s about serving someone else. It’s about sacrifice and modeling the ultimate relationship.

—Jonathon M. Seidl, Seven things I’ve learned from seven years of marriage

“Some of the worst fights my wife and I have had over the past seven years have been when one of us knows we’re factually right and the other person is wrong. It’s then that we hold the tightest to our positions, bent on proving how wrong the other person is. It’s also, then, when we hurt the other person the most. You know the best way to diffuse that? Take responsibility.”

—Jonathon M. Seidl, Seven things I’ve learned from seven years of marriage

“When you choose a wife for yourself, you should be for her not only a husband, but a father, a mother, and a brother, because she is leaving her family for the sake of being with you and following in your path. So give her to see in your the mercy of a father, the tenderness of a mother, and the friendship of a brother.”

—Empress Alexandra Feodorovna