Most married people did not marry on the proper bases. Consequently, they suffer regret for having married. Unable to confront themselves with this fact, they enter into an unconscious psychological trick, called denial, i.e., denying the suffering of regret. Having convinced themselves that a troublesome marriage is better than living a single life, they strive to comfort and console themselves.
When such people meet a happy unmarried person, they get disturbed by their status which shakes and threatens the foundation supporting their views and arouses the feeling of regret for their situation. Such an unhappily married person may, in an aggressive and hastening manner, start pressuring the single person to marry. They support their contention with some weak and unconvincing arguments such as:
“Marriage is the rule of life. Everyone should marry. Our fathers and grandfathers told us that everybody should marry, etc”
I Have No One: The Problem with Delayed Marriage
Dr. Niveen Adel Sadek
Category: BEST OF
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If you are not yet married, you are in a better position and more fortunate than someone who has made a wrong choice and is suffering from a wrong marital bond. Such a person has exhausted the only life-time marriage opportunity, unlike you, who still has the chance to be bonded with the appropriate person, even if the chance has been delayed.
“Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” (Habakkuk 2:3)
I Have No One: The Problem with Delayed Marriage
Dr. Niveen Adel Sadek -
Are there aspects of yourself that have been revealed to you through marriage you didn’t really think or know of before?
You have no idea. So many. There are so many things – so many passions – you don’t realize you have if you’re living on your own that marriage will bring up so that you can then realize how spiritually sick you are. This is maybe the main benefit of marriage of the many. It’s such a mirror of your soul.
—Brother Augustine -
“Marriage can also help you grow as a loving person in a way you might not have otherwise.”
—Gary Chapman, Love as a Way of Life -
Be convinced that if a man is interiorly fighting and is troubled by some impassioned thought and publishes it abroad, he gives it more strength against himself, giving it power to fight against him and trouble him more. But if he faces it squarely and contests it and stirs up contrary thoughts, as I often tell you, he weakens that passionate thought and it becomes unable to fight against him and trouble him. And fighting in this way, little by little, and with the help of God, he overcomes the passion itself.
—Dorotheos of Gaza, Discourses and Sayings -
33. Those who are inconstant and uninstructed should not argue with intelligent men. An intelligent man is one who conforms to God and mostly keeps silent; when he speaks he says very little, and only what is necessary and acceptable to God.
—Anthony the Great: On the Character of Men and on the Virtuous Life: One Hundred and Seventy Texts
Philokalia -
Think of the person who cannot stop oversharing. They speak with such rapidity, often regretting the contents after they have spewed them, telling themselves they will stop revealing so much, but they cannot stop.
The chronic oversharer, this goof, this blabber, this minister of yap, places a feigned virtue on their lack of discipline and self-control. “Being authentic”—of course, a self-appeasing lie. They do not know themselves, and it is obvious to anybody who has done the appropriate self-appraisal. Their character is performative. The cheapest of masks, there is very little substance.
At their lowest, the mask tightens. They speak with desperate ventriloquism, every thought expressed so loosely and ridiculously; tracing the source of sense in their words is impossible. A nonsensical flight of scattered thoughts. Every utterance saturates the air with their mental disaster.
What discombobulation they spread. What gibberish. They do not know themselves in the slightest, and because of the war faced in their mind, anyone in their vicinity becomes a civilian casualty.
CRANIOTOMY: Dissection of your Human Condition
BONESAW -
As far as possible, be discreet in your conversations and do not overly open up to others. One will say it to another and another to yet another, and then what will come of that?
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How does one acquire humility? By silence. Be silent! Be stupid! Let everyone consider you to be stupid! Silence is the primary means for the attainment of humility and love. One is saved by silence.
