If the one who started the quarrel comes to his senses first and humbly asks his opponent for forgiveness, he will erase the guilt of his soul; and if the innocent remains irreconcilable in his pride, he will become even guiltier than the one who started the fight. It is good for the younger party to make the first step toward reconciliation, but if he does not have the sense to do so, nothing prevents the older or higher in rank to humble himself first.
The Meaning of Suffering and Strife & Reconciliations
Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev
Category: BEST OF
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Let us too, beloved, as we know this, be always ready to be reconciled to our enemies. Let us not excuse ourselves with the fact that the other person does not want to be reconciled to us. Even if he does not want to forgive us, what is preventing us from forgiving him? If he wants to commit spiritual suicide through strife, is it wise for us to inflict the same misfortune upon ourselves?
How often in life one hears similar excuses: “How can I forgive him when he does not come to me? He is lesser than I; let him be the first to extend his hand for reconciliation! He offended me, that is why he must apologize first! I do not have anything against him, but if he does not want to make peace, I do not want to either. Who—I—to go first and ask for forgiveness?! Why should I be humiliated before him? What is he?
The Meaning of Suffering and Strife & Reconciliations
Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev -
When I was ill and I did not give up my anger towards my brother, I saw that the angels were withdrawing from me and were crying over the death of my soul and that the demons were rejoicing at my anger. That is why I asked you to go to the brother and implore him for his forgiveness for me. When you brought him to me, and I bowed before him and he turned away from me, I saw an angel who was holding a fiery spear and who struck the unforgiving one with it. Immediately, he fell dead. But to me the same angel gave his hand and helped me up, and here I am healthy again.”
How often in life it happens that embittered and irreconciled Christians suddenly leave this world and set out for the kingdom of eternity with anger in their souls! What pardon can they expect from God if they themselves have not forgiven those who have sinned against them?! It is terrible to live irreconciled, but it is even worse to die irreconciled! Bitterness and strife make the soul unfit to bear divine grace, and thus they destroy it.
The Meaning of Suffering and Strife & Reconciliations
Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev -
Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.
Luke 17:4Dear readers, are not all of our fights based on events similar to the petty and silly incident just described? How many people who have lived before us on this earth have quarreled over earthly and transient things: houses and lands, money and honors, insults and slanders. Why did all of this happen? What is the use of their having shown obstinacy and even a kind of heroism in their fights? These people have long since died, and their feuds are forgotten by the generations that followed. Only the sin remains to accuse at the Last Judgment the deceased who have died unrepentant of their animosity and to deprive them of the eternal joys of Paradise which are promised to the merciful, the meek, the peacemakers, and the righteous.
The sin of strife ruins both this life and the life beyond. It is an enemy to both our body and our soul. How is it, then, that some people seek comfort in quarrels and revenge? Why do they say, “I will not rest until I am avenged?”The Meaning of Suffering and Strife & Reconciliations
Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev -
If you fall into some transgression, quickly turn to the realisation of your weakness and be aware of it. For God allows you to fall for the very purpose of making you more aware of your weakness, so that you may thus not only yourself learn to despise yourself, but because of your great weakness may wish to be despised also by others. Know that without such desire it is impossible for this beneficent self-disbelief to be born and take root in you. This is the foundation and beginning of true humility, since it is based on realisation, by experience, of your impotence and unreliability.
From this, each of us sees how necessary it is for a man, who desires to participate in heavenly light, to know himself, and how God’s mercy usually leads the proud and self-reliant to this knowledge through their downfalls, justly allowing them to fall into the very sin from which they think they are strong enough to protect themselves, so as to make them see their weakness and prevent them from relying foolhardily on themselves either in this or in anything else.
Unseen Warfare
Lorenzo Scupoli -
Saints of God, he says, may be found sitting in the theatres, apparently looking on at the performance, while their hearts are holding intercourse with God. It is part of Christian perfection to pass no judgment upon those who remain in the world, not even upon those whose lives are notoriously bad.
Fifty Spiritual Homilies of Saint Macarius the Egyptian Introduction
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You might look at someone and judge them — maybe they’re living a sinful life, maybe they’re struggling with a sin that brings more shame than others — and you’re judging them without discernment knowing that if you lived a day in this person’s life, you would never be able to fight the sin that they’re fighting with daily.
—Fr. Paul Girguis -
You’ve robbed someone of a defense [when you judge them]. Become the defense attorney for the person that you are prosecuting.
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If the Scripture commands me not to have communion with fornicators, adulterers … etc. (1 Cor 6: 9), should I then say: I do not condemn those?! Does not having no communion with them or with others as mentioned in (1 Cor 6: 11) imply condemning them? Likewise, we are commanded not to accept those who deviate from the sound doctrine, as the apostle says: “If anyone comes to you and does not bring this doctrine, do not receive him into your house nor greet him; for he who greets him shares in his evil deeds.” (2 Jn 10, 11) Should we in the name of gentleness accept those? The apostle says, “Some men’s sins are clearly evident, preceding them to judgment.” (1 Tim 5: 24) It is not you who condemn them, but their works do. You have only to avoid them, gently.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Fruits of the Spirit