One of the marks of a certain type of bad man is that he cannot give up a thing himself without wanting every one else to give it up. That is not the Christian way. An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons—marriage, or meat, or beer, or the cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning.
—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Category: MARRIAGE
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Loneliness is an unsatisfied desire for love and connection with others, and this person finds it difficult to satisfy it. Perhaps the real reason for the inability of this person to connect with others is the lack of love within him, for if he sowed love, he would reap love too. This is a kind of selfishness, for he wants people to love him while he does not have the readiness to offer this love. He wants others to connect with him though he does not have the readiness himself to connect with them.
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For if the infant remains attached to his father and mother his whole life, [he will have negative issues]; therefore, detachment must take place, that he may become disciplined, and his life may become healthy.
And it happens sometimes that the fathers and mothers delay the onset of detachment in the life of their children, and by this they impede their growth and maturity.
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But gloominess may be generated in the heart, making them depressed and sad, and the feeling of abandonment arises in him, so he feels that all [people] have abandoned him, and this makes him feel insecure too. And then he may reach despair and loss of the meaning of life, all these making him turn into a rebellious person against society, and [making him] violent.
If the feeling of loneliness increased within a person, and he became fully convinced that he is unloved and undesirable, then he would distance himself fully from others and would avoid them.
This however will make him lonelier, and then he will go into a vicious cycle.
Of the curious matters, concerning loneliness, which were observed, is that they found that the lonely person turns creative and inventive. For there are people who feel lonely, yet they have composed wonderful musical pieces, and there are others who have painted the most beautiful paintings.
Nevertheless, this does not make us conclude that loneliness creates innovativeness nor inventiveness in man’s life. But what happens is that if a man were already talented in a particular field, like painting, music, poetry, or writing, then loneliness makes them excel all the more in their talent. This loneliness may polish these talents, thereby making the talented person produce a creative and inventive product.
—H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Overcome Loneliness [The Definition of Loneliness]
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Research has shown that loneliness may begin from childhood. If a young child was brought up without being taught how to form friendships in his life, then when he reaches adolescence, having no friendships in life, it would be difficult for him to form friendships afterwards. Therefore, the feeling of loneliness would continue with him. The child may have formed friendships, but not with people who had a positive impact on his life, and therefore he will feel lonely when he grows up. This makes clear the importance of the role of fathers and mothers in encouraging their children to form valuable and meaningful friendships in their childhood.
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1. One of the very important causes of loneliness is that the child was left alone in infancy, as it happens in the cases of divorce. The father and mother may dispute with one another over who would get custody of the child. And it may happen that neither of them wants to take the child with them, and then the child feels abandoned, especially [coming] from people who do impact his lite.
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Divorce causes loneliness for the following three reasons:
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Take to yourself the Lord as a friend, a father, and a shepherd, as David the prophet said, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take care of me.”
—H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Overcome Loneliness [The Treatment for Loneliness] -
This, also, I am ever urging, and shall not cease to urge, that you give attention, not only to the words spoken, but that also, when at home in your house, you exercise yourselves constantly in reading the Divine Scriptures. This, also, I have never ceased to press upon those who come to me privately. Let not any one say to me that these exhortations are vain and irrelevant, for “I am constantly busy in the courts,” (suppose him to say;) “I am discharging public duties; I am engaged in some art or handiwork; I have a wife; I am bringing up my children; I have to manage a household; I am full of worldly business; it is not for me to read the Scriptures, but for those who have bid adieu to the world, for those who dwell on the summit of the hills; those who constantly lead a secluded life.” What dost thou say, O man? Is it not for thee to attend to the Scriptures, because thou art involved in numerous cares? It is thy duty even more than theirs, for they do not so much need the aid to be derived from the Holy Scriptures as they do who are engaged in much business. For those who lead a solitary life, who are free from business and from the anxiety arising from business, who have pitched their tent in the wilderness, and have no communion with any one, but who meditate at leisure on wisdom, in that peace that springs from repose—they, like those who lie in the harbour, enjoy abundant security. But ourselves, who, as it were, are tossed in the midst of the sea, cannot avoid many failings, we ever stand in need of the immediate and constant comfort of the Scriptures. They rest far from the strife, and, therefore, escape many wounds; but you stand perpetually in the array of battle, and constantly are liable to be wounded: on this account, you have more need of the healing remedies. For, suppose, a wife provokes, a son causes grief, a slave excites to anger, an enemy plots against us, a friend is envious, a neighbour is insolent, a fellow-soldier causes us to stumble—or often, perhaps, a judge threatens us, poverty pains us, or loss of property causes us trouble, or prosperity puffs us up, or misfortune overthrows us;—there are surround us on all sides many causes and occasions of anger, many of anxiety, many of dejection or grief, many of vanity or pride; from all quarters, weapons are pointed at us. Therefore it is that there is need continually of the whole armour of the Scriptures.
—St John Chrysostom, On Wealth and Poverty -
“So people get married, thinking that another human being will obliterate their loneliness. It helps a little at first. But one day, out of the random blue, that loneliness that was meant to be kept at bay lifts its ugly head and plops itself in the middle of your home, reminding you of the fact that even your husband cannot totally satisfy you and that your wife does not really understand you like you need her to.”
—Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended, Lina AbuJamra -
But loneliness in marriage can be bitter. Caroline, now 47 and a successful writer, was married for 12 years to a man who, though never cruel, felt increasingly absent. “He was very gregarious,” she says, “always the life and soul of the party, but really very insecure. When we were alone, he would disappear into himself. He didn’t really either talk or listen. There was nothing I could put my finger on, but in a way that was the trouble: there was nothing.”
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There is no perfect family. We don’t have perfect parents, we are not perfect, we don’t get married with a perfect person nor do we have perfect kids. We have complaints of each other. We were disappointed in each other. Therefore, there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness the family becomes a theatre of conflict and a bastion of grievances. Without forgiveness the family gets sick. Forgiveness is the sterilization of the soul, the cleaning of the mind and the liberation of the heart. Who does not forgive has no peace of soul nor communion with God. The pain is a poison that intoxicates and kills. Save a wound of the heart is a self-destructive gesture. It is autophagy. Who does not forgive sickens physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s why the family has to be a place of life and not of death; territory of healing and not of disease; stage of forgiveness and not of guilt. Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow produced pain; and healing, where pain caused disease.
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If this marriage is agreeable to Him, your eagerness will increase after prayer.
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If He intends that you should be this man’s wife all hindrance will be overcome, and marry him you will. But if God does not wish it, no matter how you plan and strive for it, will be of no avail.
And beware you do not blindly insist that things must work out according to what you consider to be right and good. God sometimes does permit such blind insistence to be followed by the fulfilment of our ardent desires. This always leads to misery and disaster (intended to open our eyes on our folly), and happens particularly often when our desires are founded on wild passions.
SO GOOD QUOTES 