The spiritual man does not say all that comes to his mind from words or ideas. He weighs each word before he utters it. His scale does not stop at the essence of the word, if it is right or wrong in itself… But his concern is also about the effect of the word on others, its reactions and the result of that.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III,The Spiritual Man
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One may talk much, so he loses the virtues of silence, thinking and contemplating. And one may remain silent and loses the advantage of the word of benefit, the word of consolation, the word of advice and also loses witnessing for the truth. As for the integral man, he knows when to remain silent and when to talk.
He does not remain silent when it is good to talk, and does not talk when it is good to remain silent.
When he is silent, it is by wisdom. And when he talks, it is for a benefit. He controls the two matters together and uses each of them at its good time.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III, The Spiritual Man
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“No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There’s only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to do it…”
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Remember people’s love for you and their good past with you, whenever you are fought by doubts of their sincerity and whenever you see them erring against you, for then their past love will intercede for them and your anger will subside.
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“A person may talk much and so lose the virtue of silence and thinking and contemplation, and a person may keep silent, and so lose the virtue of speaking a word of benefit, or a word of comfort, or a word of advice, as he loses witnessing to the truth… The wholesome personality, however, knows when to keep silent and when to speak; he does not keep silent when speaking is better, and he does not speak when silence is better.”
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III -
Think about how many times you believed that something was a sign from God; what if it wasn’t? And then people who think that they have these signs – I’m not saying that they never do – but that haven’t had them discerned, they’re the first ones to get angry and lose faith after because they’ll say, “no, God gave me a sign and when I did it I got screwed over. I’m so mad.” or they’ll say, “it’s all fake” or “you know what, everyone’s making it up because I thought I had signs and it turned out it was nothing. so all these people are claiming that they have signs must all be lying too.” The devil is not an idiot; he knows how to set you up for exactly what it is that he needs for you to fall and for you to renounce everything. That discernment is necessary, and it doesn’t mean that the discerner is going to know this is God or this is not God every time, but as somebody who knows the voice of God, this sounds like or isn’t; let’s be cautious. Is this routed in the Gospel, is this rooted in the elders, is this rooted in the teachings? Is it safe? We’ll proceed with caution, it maybe that it is it maybe that it isn’t.
There’s another who might be able to immediately know. There’s people who have the gift of discernment and there are others who have to learn it, but the point is that you are entrusting it with someone else so that you are in the safe, that you are in the clear because it’s not theory, it is reality to those people.
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It says in Proverbs, “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”(Proverbs 17:9) If I learn that my brother has sinned, and I accept him and cover his sin, then I am seeking love, but if I begin speaking about his sin, and continue talking about him, I separate people.
“We should not snoop on people, and places, to discover others’ sins. If the sins of others were presented to us, being forced upon us, we should not examine them nor turn to them.”
—Abba Pimen the Solitary—
—H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Develop Your Personality
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This thought of yours is wicked; for it wants to prevent you from correcting your brother. Therefore, do not prevent yourself from speaking; but rather, speak according to God.
For, indeed, even sick people that are being healed will speak against their doctors; yet, the latter do not care, knowing that the same people will thank them afterward.
Letters from the Desert: A Selection of Questions and Responses (St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press Popular Patristics Series) -
“It is alarming to consider how many major life decisions we take primarily in order to minimize present-moment emotional discomfort.”
― Oliver Burkeman, The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking
