The havoc caused by angry and wrathful passions is undeniable. What adds to the grievance is that once we’ve separated, the power to reconcile is lost. We wait for others to take the initiative. Each is ashamed, reluctant to return and mend the broken ties. It’s like not hesitating to sever a limb but feeling ashamed to reattach it.

If you’ve committed wrongs and caused the quarrel, you should be the first to seek reconciliation. If the other person is at fault, you should still initiate reconciliation. Anger and false pride are like illnesses, and you, being in good health, should act as the physician to the sick. Physicians don’t refrain from visiting the sick; instead, they go when the patient can’t come to them.

Let’s not consider ill designs against us as grievous. As long as we avoid ill designs against ourselves, no one will have the power to harm us. People may plot against us, but they won’t harm us; in fact, they may benefit us greatly. Ultimately, it’s within our control whether we suffer harm or not. I boldly declare that a Christian, on this earth, is impervious to harm from any human being. Not even the Evil Spirit, the tyrant, the Devil, can harm a Christian unless the individual harms themselves. Whatever anyone attempts against a Christian is in vain. Just as no human could harm an angel on earth, one human cannot harm another.

—St. John Chrysostom

Why hurt yourself by retaliating? Avoid succumbing to anger; keep yourself unharmed. You might ask, how is it possible to bear insults and abuse? I counter, why wouldn’t it be possible? Do words cause physical wounds, or inflict bruises on our bodies? Where is the harm to us? If we choose, we can endure it. Let’s establish a rule for ourselves not to be distressed, and we’ll manage.

Handle anger like fire—don’t let it scatter everywhere in your thoughts. Keep it in a deep recess of the mind, so the wind from opposing words won’t easily reach it. Let the wind that stirs it come from yourself, managing it with moderation and safety. If the wind comes from outside, it knows no limits and can set everything on fire.

Use [anger] like torches against those who wrong others or against the devil. [Anger is] necessary only when we must soften, mollify, and convict the soul, subduing obduracy when needed.

—St. John Chrysostom

People can make a statement [of anger] and lose the rest of their life.

—Fr. Mina Dimitri

The reasons for anger were often childish or irrelevant and the anger left us always dismayed by our failure toward each other, but the fact is that neither of us could command the necessary tolerance.

—May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

Last night was not easy, with the cold moon-glare outside and my harsh thoughts toward my anger. The full horror of these storms is, of course, the harm they do to those one loves. For days afterward I am forced to try to come to terms with myself and to face the destroyer and breaker in me. I do not feel remorse so much as shame.

—May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude