If one says a word to you, you could accept the word calmly, or you could think about it deeply: Why did he say this? What did he mean? Did he mean to belittle me? I cannot keep quiet. Here you have allowed the word to affect you profoundly, and so it became deeply-rooted in you. Therefore, do not ponder daily events in depth; overlook them and allow them to pass by calmly. Only those thoughts which take root in your mind and heart will bother you.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Monastic Treasures for All of Us
Category: DISCERNMENT
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“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
―Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom -
“If I’m mad at somebody, I’m probably just mad at myself.”
—Dave Chappelle, Equanimity & The Bird Revelation -
Zooey: In the first place, you’re way off when you start railing at things and people instead of at yourself.
—Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger -
“Sometimes the annoyances that make you long for solitude are better for producing humility than the most complete solitude could be.”
—François Fénelon, The Seeking Heart
“In constant intercourse with other people we can sooner come to see our defects than we should in solitude.”
“The thing that annoys you about others is a reflection of you.”
—Maria Stenvinkel, 7 Things You Need to Know to Live Your Best Life and Make a Better World
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
—Hermann Hesse
Remember that it is not he who reviles you or strikes you, who insults you, but it is your opinion about these things as being insulting. When then a man irritates you, you must know that it is your own opinion which has irritated you. Therefore especially try not to be carried away by the appearance. For if you once gain time and delay, you will more easily master yourself.
Epictetus, Enchiridion
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
—Carl Jung
“We often look out to other people – they’re difficult, they’re rude, they’re arrogant, they’re…I can’t deal with that person, look at how bad they are. – but turn it around, let it become a mirror. Is that, in fact, myself? Is it myself?”
—Fr. Daniel Fanous, Dealing with Difficult People
“When I’m quiet, everyone is happy at home. Why? Maybe I’m the one that is causing all the turmoil.”
—Fr. Paul Girguis
“Some of us at work, we’re very nice. At church, we’re loved by all. But the people in our house cringe when the garage door opens and they know we’re coming home.”
—Fr. Anthony Messeh
Correct yourself of your faults and hold fast to piety. Commit your conscience, your life, and deeds unto God, Who knows our hearts. However, look upon yourself impartially. Are you not indeed difficult in your character, especially to those of your household? Perhaps you are morose, unkind, unsociable, taciturn. Expand your heart for sociability and kindness, though not to over-indulgence and connivance; be gentle, not provoking, calm in reproof.
—St. John of Kronstadt, My Life in Christ -
A lot of times, we think there is a problem in my life because of this or that. We rarely think that it’s my sins that are causing a problem.
It’s not my coworker, it’s not my life situation, it’s not my illness, not my family situation, or anything else; it’s my sins. My sins are making me incapable of dealing with this problem in a way that a true christian would deal with it. No matter your problems, no matter whose fault it is, it’s also always your fault. That’s the way a Christian thinks.
—Fr. Seraphim Holland
