I reminded him of all the people who love him and all the people he’s loved. I told him I thought it was unfair for a man to be judged by a moment, by a season. We are all more complicated than that. Certainly my friend will have to face the consequences of his actions, and those consequences will be severe. He is being pruned, as it were. His limbs are being cut back. But I hope he doesn’t live into his failures the way so many people do.
—Donald Miller, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy
Category: GOSSIP & SLANDER
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Does God rule over me, or does the world rule over me? Does God rule over me, or does fear rule over me? Am I always afraid? Do I always the slightest thing brings me terror in my heart. Does God rule over me or does anxiety rule over me? I’m always anxious. Once more thing happens and I start crying, and that’s the end of the world. I’m anxious about my family, I’m anxious about my health, I’m anxious about my finances. I’m anxious about my children and their and their careers and their academic and their schooling and so forth. I’m anxious. I’m anxious. I’m anxious. What rules over me, that or anxiety, or, God, what rules over me? Pride. And pride is a funny thing, because pride has many, many faces. Sometimes pride can be arrogance, where you look at somebody and say, yeah, they are a prideful person. And believe it or not, pride can be something as simple as gossiping. Why do I gossip? Why do I talk about other people? Because something about them bothers me, something about them that maybe they have I wish I had, or they think they’re all nice because of a fancy car, or that’s gossiping. And gossiping comes from envy. And where does envy come from? Pride? Pride has money. Pride can even manifest as, forgive me, insecurity; insecurity in yourself, insecurity in your personality, low self-esteem. Why? Because you think that you should be better than the other person, and because you’re not, you feel bad about yourself. So pride can have many, many faces. So does pride rule over me? Does lust and pornography rule over me? Am I in that kingdom where that rules over my time and my thoughts and my actions and everything? What else rules over me? Could it be an anger? Does anger rule over me? The slightest thing makes me angry and resentful, and I don’t want to talk to that person. and I give them the cold shoulder.
—Fr. Benjamin Girgis
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Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.
Luke 17:4Dear readers, are not all of our fights based on events similar to the petty and silly incident just described? How many people who have lived before us on this earth have quarreled over earthly and transient things: houses and lands, money and honors, insults and slanders. Why did all of this happen? What is the use of their having shown obstinacy and even a kind of heroism in their fights? These people have long since died, and their feuds are forgotten by the generations that followed. Only the sin remains to accuse at the Last Judgment the deceased who have died unrepentant of their animosity and to deprive them of the eternal joys of Paradise which are promised to the merciful, the meek, the peacemakers, and the righteous.
The sin of strife ruins both this life and the life beyond. It is an enemy to both our body and our soul. How is it, then, that some people seek comfort in quarrels and revenge? Why do they say, “I will not rest until I am avenged?”The Meaning of Suffering and Strife & Reconciliations
Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev -
One might say that another’s action will destroy the monastery. Yet, if the action is truly wrong, it will surely be revealed; you should not necessarily be the one who reveals it. It will be revealed on its own. If you place yourself as a watchdog over the actions of others, then, as the saying goes, you will have turned from a worshipper into a judge. Did you come to work as judges, or worshippers? Each one of us should say, “I will keep to myself. What business is it of mine? What brought me into all of these affairs?”
The wronged will be avenged by God, the peace of the monastery will be protected by God, those commissioned have their own responsibilities, and each of you should keep to yourself. If you keep to yourself, you will be respected by all, loved by all, and trusted by all, and if you do intervene on any given occasion, your word will have a positive impact.
—Pope Shenouda III, Monastic Treasures for All of Us
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To the extent that you pray with all your soul for the person who slanders you, God will make the truth known to those who have been scandalized by the slander.
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Because they understood vainglory to be a recurrent and serious problem, the early Fathers recommended several practical strategies against it—most of which did not involve sneaking off and slandering yourself before city officials. For example, you could try to avoid excessive attachment to glory by avoiding any attachments to human opinion at all. So one Desert Father offers this advice on how to make “death to the world” one’s spiritual vocation: A brother came to see Abba Macarius the Egyptian, and said to him, “Abba, give me a word.” So the old man said, “Go to the cemetery and abuse the dead.” The brother went there, abused them and threw stones at them; then he returned and told the old man about it. The latter said to him, “Didn’t they say anything to you?” He replied, “No.” The old man said, “Go back tomorrow and praise them.” So the brother went away and praised them, calling them “Apostles, saints, and righteous men.” He returned to the old man and said to him, “I have complimented them.” And the old man said to him, “Did they not answer you?” The brother said no. The old man said to him, “You know how you insulted them and they did not reply, and how you praised them and they did not speak; so you too if you wish to be saved must do the same and become a dead man. Like the dead, take no account of either the scorn of men or their praises.”
—Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung, Vainglory: The Forgotten Vice
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When you are slandered, and therefore grow disturbed and sick at heart, it shows that pride is in you, and that it must be wounded and driven out by outward dishonor.
Therefore do not be irritated by derision, and do not bear malice against those who hate you and slander you, but love them as your physicians, whom God has sent you to instruct you and to teach you humility, and pray to God for them.
“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you.” Say to yourself, “It is not me that they slander, but my evil passions; not me that they strike, but that viper which nestles in my heart, and smarts when anybody speaks ill of it.”
I will comfort myself with the thought that, perhaps, these good people will drive it from my heart by their caustic words, and my heart will then cease to ache.” Therefore, thank God for outward dishonor: those who endure dishonor here will not be subjected to it in the next world.
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“Never condemn each other. We condemn others only because we shun knowing ourselves. When we gaze at our own failings, we see such a swamp that nothing in another can equal it. That is why we turn away, and make much of the faults of others. Instead of condemning others, strive to reach inner peace. Keep silent, refrain from judgement. This will raise you above the deadly arrows of slander, insult and outrage and will shield your glowing hearts against all evil.”
—St. Seraphim of Sarov -
“When you see someone crying over the many insults he has received, you should know that, because he was overcome by vainglory, he is now unknowingly reaping the crop of evils in his heart. He who loves pleasure is grieved by accusations and abuse. On the other hand, he who loves God is grieved by praises and other superfluous remarks. The degree of our humility is measured by slander. Don’t think that you have humility when you cannot forbear even the slightest accusation.”
— Abba Mark
SO GOOD QUOTES 