But there are other things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind. The more decent he is, the greater the number of such things in his mind.
Notes from the Underground
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Category: JUDGMENT
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Three things will surprise you when you die and enter the Kingdom of Heaven:
1. The people you didn’t think would make it to Heaven are there.
2. The people you thought would be in Heaven aren’t there.
3. You are in Heaven.
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Never react to what people say. React to what they mean.
—George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins, Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion -
Do not offend others, even in your thoughts.
Do not let the Devil sow enmity and malice in your heart against your neighbour; do not let these feelings nestle in any way in your heart; otherwise your malice, even if not expressed in words, but shown only in your glance, may infect through sight the soul of your brother.
—St. John of Kronstadt, My Life in Christ
Train yourself to honour and love others, whether in their presence or in their absence.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III, A Whisper of Love: Poems, Prayers and Sayings
We should have the same attitude toward all of our fellow men. We must not classify people, saying, “This one I like, but so and so I do not.” By doing so, you will have declared war on the other person and that person will not tolerate you. Even though you may not have given any outward sign of dislike by word or gesture, you have done so by your thoughts and that is enough.
—Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives
Just as soon as he shows us some fault in our neighbor, we must quickly reject the thought—lest it take root in us and grow. Take warning: we must cast it out so no trace is left in us, and replace it with thoughts of the good qualities we know our neighbor possesses (or of those qualities people generally should possess).
—Fr. Jack Sparks, Unseen Warfare p.63
Find excuses for others and try your best to defend them in a rightful way, not through hypocrisy.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Words of Spiritual Benefit Vol. 1
Remember people’s love for you and their good past with you, whenever you are fought by doubts of their sincerity and whenever you see them erring against you, for then their past love will intercede for them and your anger will subside.
—H.H. Pope Shenouda III
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It is those who are subject to the demon of arrogance who especially suffer in this way; because, as their hearts are no longer continually occupied with impure thoughts, they are prone to the passion of pride. And in order to be convinced of the truth of what has been said, when they have achieved a certain measure of holy quiet, let them discreetly examine themselves. Then they will certainly find that some thought is concealed in the depth of their heart like a snake in dung, suggesting to them that they have made some progress in purity of heart by their own effort and zeal. Poor wretches! They do not think of what was said: ‘What hast thou that thou didst not receive as a free gift, either from God, or by the co-operation and prayers of others?’ And so let them look to their own affairs, and let them cast out of their heart with all speed the snake mentioned above, killing it by much humility, so that when they have got rid of it they may in time be stripped of their clothing of skin and as chaste children sing to the Lord the triumph song of purity; if only, when they are stripped, they do not find themselves naked of that humility and freedom from malice which is natural to children.
—St. John Climacus, The Ladder of Divine Ascent -
Do not condemn. Not even if your very eyes are seeing something, for they may be deceived. If we desire to find something to condemn, we will find it, whether or not it justly deserves criticism. But, it is important to realize, such an attitude comes not out of love, not out of a desire to truly make things better, but rather, to make ourselves look better than everyone else.
—St. John Climacus -
If you have the time and energy to point out other people’s flaws and sins, it means that you have somehow failed to have a complete and unceasing memory or concern for my own sins. A person who constantly has their own wrongs on their mind of what they need to fix isn’t thinking about everyone else’s wrongs. They might not even notice the others’ wrongs.
—Fr. Antony Paul -
We’re not supposed to be looking for wrong in people. We’re not supposed to assess people. Judgment is not not knowing that something wrong occurred. You might notice that something happened that was wrong or that someone did wrong, but it’s when you started assessing the human.
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You ought to express your feelings without speaking about your analysis of the other person’s personality, because by doing so you judge them. No one can examine another person; God alone is He who examines the mind and heart. Someone might say to you, “I feel that you do not trust me.” This is neither a sensation nor a feeling. A sensation means that I am happy or I am distressed, etc. But “I feel that you do not trust me” is an analysis of the other person. If these words were untrue, the other person may feel distressed, and the disagreement may escalate between them. The proper expression is to say to him, “I feel hurt from what you have done.” Here you are speaking about a behavior which could be measured and could be judged, but you cannot judge what lies behind this behavior.
When Christ was struck by the chief priest’s servant, He said to him, “Why do you strike Me?” He did not analyze his personality, though the servant was related to Malchus whose ear Peter cut off. Christ could have said to him, “Are you striking me to take vengeance for your relative whose ear Peter cut off?” or, “Do you strike me to please the chief priest?” If Christ had directed these questions to him, He would have been judging him and analyzing his personality, though He has the right to do this, because He is the Judge of the whole earth, and He is the One who “searches the minds and hearts.” But Christ said to him, “If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil; but if well, why do you strike Me?”
—H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Deal with Anger
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He talks about healing a wound, and does not stop irritating it. He complains of sickness, and does not stop eating what is harmful. He prays against it, and immediately goes and does it. And when he has done it, he is angry with himself; and the wretched man is not ashamed of his own words. “I am doing wrong,” he cries, and eagerly continues to do so. His mouth prays against his passion, and his body struggles for it. He philosophizes about death, but he behaves as if he were immortal. He groans over the separation of soul and body, but drowses along as if he were eternal. He talks of temperance and self-control, but he lives for gluttony. He reads about the judgment and begins to smile. He reads about vainglory, and is vainglorious while actually reading. He repeats what he has learned about vigil, and drops asleep on the spot. He praises prayer, but runs from it as from the plague. He blesses obedience, but he is the first to disobey. He praises detachment, but he is not ashamed to be spiteful and to fight for a rag. When angered he gets bitter, and he is angered again at his bitterness; and he does not feel that after one defeat he is suffering another. Having overeaten he repents, and a little later again gives way to it. He blesses silence, and praises it with a spate of words. He teaches meekness, and during the actual teaching frequently gets angry. Having woken from passion he sighs, and shaking his head, he again yields to passion. He condemns laughter, and lectures on mourning with a smile on his face. Before others he blames himself for being vainglorious, and in blaming himself is only angling for glory for himself. He looks people in the face with passion, and talks about chastity. While frequenting the world, he praises the solitary life, without realizing that he shames himself. He extols almsgivers, and reviles beggars. All the time he is his own accuser, and he does not want to come to his senses—I will not say cannot.
—St. John Climacus, The Ladder of Divine Ascent
