How do you get from connection to isolation? You end up isolated if you don’t cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself. Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don’t have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we’re not able to appreciate who they are. It’s as though we’re using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we’re at risk, because actually it’s the opposite that’s true. If we’re not able to be alone, we’re going to be more lonely. And if we don’t teach our children to be alone, they’re only going to know how to be lonely.
Category: LONELINESS & SOLITUDE
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“I think the quiet is good. The alone, necessary. Every minute, of every day I spend with others; I negotiate. Where I fit. The space I fill. How much I speak. The words I use. How much I show, of who I really am. I am always negotiating. And so, it is a blessing, somedays, the quiet. Necessary; the alone. To switch off. To stretch my being in every direction; without want of permission. It is a blessing.”
— to stretch my being, f.gabdon -
We should also withdraw a lot into ourselves; for associating with people unlike ourselves upsets a calm disposition, stirs up passions again, and aggravates any mental weakness which has not been completely cured. However, the two things must be mingled and varied, solitude and joining a crowd: the one will make us long for people and the other for ourselves, and each will be a remedy for the other; solitude will cure our distaste for a crowd, and a crowd will cure our boredom with solitude.
The mind should not be kept continuously at the same pitch of concentration, but given amusing diversions.
—Seneca, On the Shortness of Life: Life Is Long if You Know How to Use It
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“Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.”
—Albert Einstein -
Think of their loneliness on holidays or Sundays, when single people find themselves alone upon leaving Mass, whereas the others are going to spend the day with their family; think of the loneliness in the evenings, when once the day is done, they go back home to find…four walls! Think of the loneliness of heart, even in the midst of friends, which is often made even more bitter at the sight of those who are not alone.
The Noonday Devil: Acedia, the Unnamed Evil of Our Times
Jean-Charles Nault -
“It’s better this way. A little lonelier but better.”
—Lisa Schroeder,The Day Before -
Some may say, “It’s up to us to determine our own value,” and I agree to some extent, but if we’re completely alone and never see anyone or connect with others, then there’s no way for us to affirm our worth. I think that no matter how much of a lone wolf someone may appear to be, there’s some level of desire within them to have another person—anyone—turn their attention to them. Like dogs, we simply can’t bear absolute loneliness. Unless we can see ourselves reflected from another person’s perspective, it isn’t possible for us to really know our worth.
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When we are lonely we not only react more intensely to the negatives; we also experience less of a soothing uplift from the positives. Even when we succeed in eliciting nurturing support from a friend or a loved one, if we are feeling lonely we tend to perceive the exchange as less fulfilling than we had hoped it would be.
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While the objective in going to certain bars and dance clubs appears to be getting drunk and hooking up, how many of the people crowding in are actually driven by a deeper craving for human connection that they simply don’t know how to pursue? That they might fail to find truly satisfying connection amid blaring noise and shouted conversation—often interrupted by someone’s cell phone—is not entirely surprising. Unfortunately, their failure to find what they need then makes them all the more susceptible to the slightly out of control behavior that often begins in bars and dance clubs.
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“Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people, but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis.”
—Sophia Dembling, The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World
SO GOOD QUOTES 