Category: LONELINESS & SOLITUDE

  • There is a different type of mission service that does not require preaching the gospel or giving food to the homeless. It is to reach out to those in despair and loneliness — those with no purpose.

    The Call to Love: Mission Work and the Service of the Lord
    Anastasia Bibawy

  • Loneliness is an unsatisfied desire for love and connection with others, and this person finds it difficult to satisfy it. Perhaps the real reason for the inability of this person to connect with others is the lack of love within him, for if he sowed love, he would reap love too. This is a kind of selfishness, for he wants people to love him while he does not have the readiness to offer this love. He wants others to connect with him though he does not have the readiness himself to connect with them.

    For if the infant remains attached to his father and mother his whole life, [he will have negative issues]; therefore, detachment must take place, that he may become disciplined, and his life may become healthy.

    And it happens sometimes that the fathers and mothers delay the onset of detachment in the life of their children, and by this they impede their growth and maturity.

    But gloominess may be generated in the heart, making them depressed and sad, and the feeling of abandonment arises in him, so he feels that all [people] have abandoned him, and this makes him feel insecure too. And then he may reach despair and loss of the meaning of life, all these making him turn into a rebellious person against society, and [making him] violent.

    If the feeling of loneliness increased within a person, and he became fully convinced that he is unloved and undesirable, then he would distance himself fully from others and would avoid them.

    This however will make him lonelier, and then he will go into a vicious cycle.

    Of the curious matters, concerning loneliness, which were observed, is that they found that the lonely person turns creative and inventive. For there are people who feel lonely, yet they have composed wonderful musical pieces, and there are others who have painted the most beautiful paintings.

    Nevertheless, this does not make us conclude that loneliness creates innovativeness nor inventiveness in man’s life. But what happens is that if a man were already talented in a particular field, like painting, music, poetry, or writing, then loneliness makes them excel all the more in their talent. This loneliness may polish these talents, thereby making the talented person produce a creative and inventive product.

    —H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Overcome Loneliness [The Definition of Loneliness]

    Research has shown that loneliness may begin from childhood. If a young child was brought up without being taught how to form friendships in his life, then when he reaches adolescence, having no friendships in life, it would be difficult for him to form friendships afterwards. Therefore, the feeling of loneliness would continue with him. The child may have formed friendships, but not with people who had a positive impact on his life, and therefore he will feel lonely when he grows up. This makes clear the importance of the role of fathers and mothers in encouraging their children to form valuable and meaningful friendships in their childhood.

    1. One of the very important causes of loneliness is that the child was left alone in infancy, as it happens in the cases of divorce. The father and mother may dispute with one another over who would get custody of the child. And it may happen that neither of them wants to take the child with them, and then the child feels abandoned, especially [coming] from people who do impact his lite.

    ….

    Divorce causes loneliness for the following three reasons:

    Take to yourself the Lord as a friend, a father, and a shepherd, as David the prophet said, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take care of me.”

    —H.E. Metropolitan Youssef, How to Overcome Loneliness [The Treatment for Loneliness]

  • As to your longing for solitude, bear in mind that, as Nilus of Sora tells us, it does not profit everyone. Our love of God finds expression in our love of men. And even when men hate us we should thank them for it, because they are then the tools of our correction.

    Letters of Macarius of Optina

  • Lord, consider me among the despised and nonexistent, but do not deprive me of working with You. Allow me to have an existence before You, although, in my eyes, and perhaps in the eyes of people, I am despised and nonexistent (1 Cor 1:28).

    Lord, it is a blessed hour when I sit with myself. When I sit with myself I sit with You, because, although I might not see You, You are within me. It is the same as when You were in the world and the world did not know You.

    Behold, O Lord, I confess to You that now whenever I sit with myself, I feel every time that my self is more precious than the whole world, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Mk 8:36). Whenever I feel that my self is more valuable than the world, the world grows smaller and smaller in my eyes, and I take from You the grace of indifference to everything. When I am thus indifferent, I find You before me, encouraging me: “Do not fear, for I am with you” (Gen 26:24).

    When I sit, O Lord, with myself, I discover what is inside me, and I also see how the strangers transgressed Your sanctuaries within me (Jer 51:51). When I see that, and expose it before You, for You to keep my soul from strangers, then our session goes on and on, and I find many things to say to You. Here, human consolations pale in comparison. I do not seek human companionship, but rather I seek solitude, retreat, and stillness, so as not to be deprived of this dire need, my session with You, which provides me with contrition and purity.

    I love You, and love sitting with You more than sitting with other people.

    Give me, O Lord, to leave people, and become occupied with myself, to connect with You.

    —H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Dialogue with the Divine

    from the poem ‘A Whisper of Love’

    Wherever You are, there shall my thoughts be
    Family and friends have I forgotten

    —H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Dialogue with the Divine

  • When they pray, they feel God’s hand comforting them.

    And so even though they’re alone, they’re not alone, and I feel like that’s a lesson for all of us. So when loneliness starts to creep in, I feel like when we start to feel lonely, we need to take advantage of that feeling and think about how we can sit in the presence of Christ. So the next time you feel lonely, don’t surrender to that feeling of loneliness. Turn it into a moment of fellowship with God. Read the Scripture. Turn it into a moment of prayer. Invite the Lord to compete with you, to join you, to have fellowship with the saints. And I feel like our church cherishes their relationship with Christ so much that they wanted to spend all their time with the Lord. You know Saint Anthony, his famous line, his famous expression is, I want to be alone with with Thee alone, and he wants to have quiet time with God. So the next time we have this feeling that we’re lonely and isolated, take it as an opportunity to be alone with Thee alone. Open your Bible, read the passage from the Gospel, encounter the love of Christ. And I feel like this encounter will energize you. The promises of God will give you power.

    And I feel like if we did this, we will never feel alone. Jesus is with me all the day, all the way.

    Fr. David Hanna

  • When he was tempted by boredom in his loneliness, the Lord sent him an angel to show him how to pray, and how to work with his hands to fight boredom.

    —H.H. Pope Shenouda III, Contemplations on the Life of St. Antony the Great

  • More time spent in secret with God, and less spent in socializing would result in far greater profit to our souls.

    H.E. Metropolitan Youssef

  • I people-watch on the way back home
    Envious of the glimmer of hope
    Gives me a break from feeling alone
    Gives me a moment out of the ego

    People Watching
    Song by Sam Fender

  • He used to examine carefully any candidate for the ministry. He used to consider greatly the people’s will, and unless the candidate was very popular, he would not appoint him. He used to follow the saying of Paul to Timothy, “Do not be hasty in putting your hand on one.” Very often he preferred poor candidates to rich ones. In any case, the approval of all the people was very essential.

    On Anba Abraam
    S.H. Leeder, Modern Sons of the Pharaohs, 265-304.

  • Relationships, too, provide reflection. You are not your full self when alone; that is a common myth. Pay attention to which people make you feel expansive, and which require performance.

    BONESAW